I often collect quotes from books that I've read, and rediscovered this one from Carson McCullers' The Ballad of the Sad Cafe:

"Often the beloved is only a stimulus for all the stored-up love which has lain quiet within the lover for a long time hitherto. And somehow every lover knows this. He feels in his soul that his love is a solitary thing. He comes to know a new, strange loneliness and it is this knowledge which makes him suffer. So there is only one thing for the lover to do. He must house his love within himself as best he can; he must create for himself a whole new inward world--a world intense and strange, complete in himself."

It is for this reason that most of us would rather love than be loved. Almost everyone wants to be the lover. And the curt truth is that, in a deep secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many. The beloved fears and hates the lover, and with the best of reasons. For the lover is forever trying to strip bare his beloved. The lover craves any possible relation with the beloved, even if this experience can cause him only pain."

Carson was already suffering from chronic ill health when she wrote this at age 24, two years after finishing her most famous work, the equally melancholy The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter.

I read this for the first time in my early 20s, and remember agreeing with Carson's concept of love as a solitary pain that everyone (un)fortunate enough to fall in love must suffer through.

Today I chuck that perception to my youthful naivete and Catholic upbringing. There is something oddly seductive, even heroic, about suffering for love; yet as one matures, once can easily see that it's an eschewed view at best.

Love is not some personal Calvary that has to be endured, much less endured alone; that's unrequited love, not the real thing. It takes some growing up to realize that the real thing shouldn't be difficult or excruciating, and those who believe that it is have probably never experienced it firsthand.

Tags: books, carson mccullers, love, pain

This is the hilarious Taco Town skit on Saturday Night Live.

A guy and his pals actually made it for real and ate the whole taco wrapped in a flour tortilla wrapped in a corn tortilla wrapped in a gordita shell baked in a corn husk wrapped in a crepe wrapped in a pizza wrapped in a pancake, deep fried and drowned in chili.

See the crazy account of it right here.

A little incident happened when I brought my mom out to breakfast last weekend.

She doesn't like sausage, so she asked if she can have ham instead. Our server said she's not sure if substitutions are allowed but my mom told her she's asked for it before and was told it's okay. Still unsure, the server said she'll have to ask the manager.

Moments later, the manager rushed to our table and told us she'll have to fire whomever allowed the substitution because it's a big no no, rambling on about the prices being different, blah blah blah.

My mom, who doesn't have much patience for b.s., cut her off and said fine, she'll order the all-ham breakfast and that was that.

It really wasn't a big deal, but I thought the manager handled the situation very poorly. You don't put the onus of firing an employee on a customer and you never, ever chastise a customer instead of offering an alternative that will make her happy.

Someone needs to enroll in Customer Relations 101.

I was driving south on Pacific Coast Highway, slowing down to a stop light. Suddenly, an SUV on my right swerved into my lane.

I instinctively swerved to my left. Fortunately, there weren't other vehicles next to me. The driver, a middle-aged woman with graying hair, also swerved back to her lane to avoid hitting my car. It was close, but I didn't get hit.

I stared at the driver over my sunglasses. Not a glare, mind you, but more of an I-can't-believe-you-did-that kind of look.

We had eye contact; she looked at me sheepishly. I figured she knew her booboo, so I turned my attention back to the road and moved on when the light turned green.

Not halfway through the next block, she drove next to me, made two short honks and motioned me to roll down my window.

Uh oh, now what? I braced for nasty, but not for what came next.

The lady smiled the sweetest smile. "Excuse me," she said.

"Uhm, Okay," I said lamely, still stunned as she drove on.

And it happened right here. In L.A. During rush hour. On a searing, smoggy afternoon.

Imagine that.

Unlike other Mexican street food chains which dot the SoCal landscape, Holé Molé only has two branches, both of which are in Long Beach.

Their second location on Pacific Coast Highway joins a 7-Eleven, a donut shop and dry cleaner, in a spot vacated by one of those awful buck-a-plate Chinese fast food joints.

Though numerous Holé Molé menu items are barely over a buck, it's certainly a cut above its poor predecessor. With its food so good and prices so low, I sometimes wonder how it stays in business.

Take for instance the beef taquitos above for $1.99. Hot and crispy, they were filled with flavorful shredded beef, and come with a generous dollop of pico de gallo and guacamole.

Or how about this ginormous vegi-burrito for $2.89, filled with lots of rice and all sorts of fresh, crunchy veggies; so good with fresh, fiery hot salsa.

These ensenada-style fish tacos are a steal for $1.45 each, filled with crispy white fish dipped in batter, topped with shredded cabbage, chopped tomatoes, cilantro and cream sauce.

Below, the tacos al pastor and carnitas for a $1.25 each were flavorful, the soft corn tacos generously filled with marinated pork chunks and shredded pork, respectively, and studded with chopped onions and cilantro. Great with salsa verde.

There's a bit of wait at Holé Molé since everything is cooked to order, but it's worth it. They also make their own horchata (cinnamon rice milk drink) fresh daily and is the best I've ever tasted. They also offer a wide selection of Mexican bottled drinks like Jarritos and Sidral and Senorial. If you feel like a hearty breakfast, they offer some great breakfast burritos, too.

Holé Molé
5109 E Pacific Coast Hwy.,
Long Beach, CA 90804
(562) 985-1005

TV sucks. There's absolutely nothing to watch. Except for PBS, C-Span and HBO, I could dump my tv in the alley and not even miss it.

The West Wing wrapped up. Desperate Housewives is choking in its hype. Lost lost me long ago. Rome isn't here yet.

Other than that, what do we have but a glut of Law and Orders and CSIs?

Ugh.

Well, except for the new Battlestar Galactica. I was never heavily into sci-fi except for Space 1999 and a British series called Sapphire and Steel, but D. and our friends convinced me to check it out. Am I glad I did; it's unquestionably the best thing on TV, bar none.

D. bought the series' first and second season DVDs. I couldn't get enough. The writing, performances and production values are all top notch. I'm so addicted to this show I've started reading fan message boards.

Fan. message. boards.

Yikes. I need help.

This is one of the first photos I've taken that wasn't blurry or jerky, a problem I still encounter to this day. I've left the photo as is, untouched by Photoshop except for resizing.

Taken outside the Yard House at Shoreline Village, Long Beach, California.

Tags: boats, california, long beach, shoreline village

A typical gorgeous day in the west coast. Shoreline Village is a collection of shops and restaurants across the Queen Mary on Queensway Bay. It's also a departure point for several harbor boat cruises. Taken at the boardwalk outside Gladstone's Restaurant, Long Beach, California.

One of my favorite women's magazines is Marie Claire, not only because of the usual girly girl features but also because it's a magazine with a conscience. Articles about social issues pepper its pages, providing balance to the otherwise self-indulgent content.

In this month's issue, there was an excellent article about ten notable charities, all of which spend the biggest slice of their incoming donations towards the humanitarian programs they champion.

Not all of us can be like Angelina Jolie who gives a third of her income to charity, but money donated to any of these organizations is money well spent:

1. Americares (99% of funding goes to programs) is a 23 year old organization that focuses on disaster relief around the world.

2. V-Day (93% of funding goes to programs) produces Eve Ensler's play The Vagina Monologues and raises funds to end violence against women and children.

3. Save the Children (90% of funding goes to programs) aims to save the lives of infants, provide education for children and microloans for women in the world's 18 poorest countries.

4. Polaris Project (90% of funding goes to programs) combats human trafficking in the U.S. and abroad.

5. Breast Cancer Research Foundation (89% of funding goes to programs) provides research grants for breast cancer treatment and prevention.

6. International Aids Vaccine Initiative ( 88% of funding goes to programs) funds research to develop an AIDS vaccine.

7. National Partnership for Women and Families ( 86% of funding goes to programs) fights for women and families' rights in the workplace.

8. Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (85% of funding goes to programs) supports the National Sexual Abuse Hotline and provides free, confidential services to victims.

9. Women's Funding Network (85% of funding goes to programs) is a foundation that supports various women and girls' organizations around the world.

10. The White House Project (75% of funding goes to programs) promotes women in leadership positions and encourages women to vote and run for political office.

One of my favorite summer salads: mesclun with fresh mango chunks, kalamata olives, roasted pine nuts and feta cheese. Great with a simple extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar dressing.

Main Entry: scha·den·freu·de
Pronunciation: 'shä-d&n-"froi-d&
Function: noun
Usage: often capitalized
Etymology: German, from Schaden damage + Freude joy
: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others
--Merriam Webster Dictionary, online edition

Of all human frailties, schadenfreude is perhaps the ugliest. There is something about taking pleasure in others' misfortunes that transforms us into unpleasant people we are usually not otherwise.

The New York Times notes a research paper which supposedly found the area of the brain in which schadenfreude resides:

First the experimental subjects watched people playing a game in which some cheated (bad people) and others played fair (good people). Then they watched the same people suffering from a painful stimulus.

The empathy circuits lighted up in both men and women when bad things happened to good people. When bad things happened to bad people, the women in the study were still empathic. But not the men. Not only did they show less empathy toward bad people, but the reward center in the left nucleus accumbens lighted up. All that translates as "Serves him right!"

I don't see that as schadenfreude at all, but more of a quid pro quo, you reap what you sow kind of thing.

Schadenfreude is more grotesque than that. It's what fuels tabloids and gossip, finger pointing and conspiratorial whispers. It's that secret glee in the smug feeling that we're better human beings than the unfortunate someone, born out of an unseemly cocktail of envy, pride and lack of empathy.

That is, of course, until the wheel turns and we become the object of schadenfreude ourselves.

"You owe it to yourself to see this film. If you do not, and you have grandchildren, you should explain to them why you decided not to". --Roger Ebert

Saw An Inconvenient Truth over the weekend. The movie's marketing strategy overhyped the scare factor a bit, but since the global warming crisis isn't unfamiliar to me, I found it more thought provoking than scary.

Al Gore has been preaching about the perils of global warming long before it was fashionable. He took it up as his personal crusade, parting information to anyone and everyone who cared to listen.

His dedication to the cause of educating the public and urging action on this critical issue prompted Paramount Pictures to approach Gore and feature him in this documentary. To date, word of mouth has made An Inconvenient Truth the 7th highest grossing documentary of all time (and still climbing).

Naysayers -- including the Bush Administration which routinely suppresses scientists from speaking out about the issue and other scientific issues that contradict its policy -- insist global warming isn’t real or that there are other explanations for the extreme climate conditions we are witnessing today.

But the issue is no longer debatable. The evidence is damning and the larger scientific community overwhelmingly agrees: global warming is real, it’s here and we are contributing to its acceleration.

In the movie, Gore's slide presentation showed this hard truth in a simple and logical fashion, with data, images and simulations that are hard to ignore. It was interspersed with snippets from Gore's life explaining why he feels so passionate about the issue, giving the movie an intimate perspective without being too sentimental.

As serious a crisis as global warming is, An Inconvenient Truth didn't end on a hopeless note; there are things we can do to reverse the tide, but we must do them now before global warming reaches a tipping point in approximately ten years.

For more on global warming and how to bring about change, visit the movie's excellent web site.

This is the same lighthouse in my 05-24 black and white photo post Lighthouse at Dusk. It's on a manmade islet that's a short walking distance from the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific. Taken across the bay from Shoreline Village, Long Beach, California.

A California silhouette won't be complete without these. Taken at the boardwalk along Shoreline Drive, Long Beach, California.

Interact10ways. You've probably seen those images made up of countless smaller "image pixels". This site showcases hundreds of such images, all high resolution and high quality, with a cool twist: focus the white box on any section of the image, click and it will zoom in to magnify hundreds of its image pixel components. Click on any of those pixel images to enlarge, click on the white box and the site will do it again.

Lulu. Have you ever thought of self-publishing a book, music CD or film video? Lulu makes that dream come true. The site will get your work in publish ready form, customized to your liking, for a fee. Lulu also handles selling your work to Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Borders and takes care of related transactions, including order tracking and shipping.

Library Thing. This is a site that helps you catalog, organize, label and review your books online in graphical or "shelf form". It also connects you to other people who are reading the same books. Joining is easy; an account name and password lets you organize your books right away. No need to enter full titles; Library Thing will enter the rest of the info based on data from Amazon.com and 45 libraries around the world.

L. had season tickets to the Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts and invited me to see Forever Tango's matinee performance with her.

Forever Tango is no Dancing with the Stars; it's the real thing. The troupe performed several variations of Argentinian tango to classical music played by a full orchestra. Unlike ballroom tango, the Argentinian variety is marked by speed, daring lifts and intricate foot sequences full of flicks and kicks. It was breathtaking to watch. The full house was on its feet several times during the show. I smiled when I overheard a twentysomething guy behind us say, "wow, that was really cool!"



I'm glad L. invited me; I've been in love with dance since I was a little girl. At four, I was part of a kiddie dance group in a children's tv show; I was always part of dance performances at school, studied ballet up to my early teens and was a cheerleader in high school. As an adult I took ballroom lessons, mainly latin dance. I got up to intermediate level and D. even bought us private dance lessons as my birthday gift a few years ago. Dance, like cooking and writing, has always been a part of my artistic expression.



I also enjoyed visiting the Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts for the first time. It doesn't have the charm of the older neoclassic theaters around Los Angeles, but the main hall was bright and airy and the theater itself was intimate yet comfortable.



After the show, L. and I headed down the block to Romano's Macaroni Grill for dinner. The dining room was nice enough but the wait for a table was much longer than we were told. Service was harried and careless, with our server actually spilling quite a bit of iced water on me.



That and the predictable Italian chain quality of our food -- a lasagna, chicken canneloni and chicken parmesan trio for L., grilled pork chops with balsamic glaze and mushroom risotto for me -- made for a poor follow up to Forever Tango.

I didn't even like sushi before; the thought of eating something raw wasn't appealing. That changed when my brother ordered a big bento box of sushi one time and needed help to finish it off. Since then, I've had a craving every few weeks. Who knew I'd be a sushi enthusiast who can maneuver her way through nigiri and maki, tamago and maguro?

Sushi isn't just edible art, it's also a delight to the senses when prepared well: the pure taste of fresh raw fish on top of steamed rice flavored with a bit of vinegar, lightly dipped in a fiery/salty mixture of wasabi and shoyu, followed by the refreshing tang of gari to cleanse the palate for the next savory morsel. It's a bit of an adjustment to the Western palate, but highly addictive once you're used to it.

Kabuki isn't the best sushi place in town; the presentation can get a bit sloppy and gimmicky. The quality varies somewhat based on which branch you go to but for a small chain, it's above average and the prices are reasonable.

Some of their sushi we've sampled are the eel and avocado roll (avocado on the outside, grilled eel and crab salad inside), the rainbow roll (a variety of fish on top of a crab salad roll) and the tempura California roll (crab salad roll deep fried in a light batter) and assorted sashimi (D. said the tuna was good).

Kabuki fares better with their gourmet dishes that are plated bistro style. On subsequent visits, we enjoyed their seared tuna tataki with ponzu sauce and their flavorful spicy udon pasta with generous portions of shrimp, scallops, clams and calamari.

They also have a wide array of pretty desserts. We've enjoyed the tempura ice cream and apple tart roll in particular.

Kabuki has nine locations, all in Southern California.

It means "without equal". Sans Rival is a type of mille feuille or cake napoleon with alternating layers of meringue, buttercream icing and ground nuts. Biting into this flourless cake is a combination of crunchy, creamy, chewy goodness. Pure decadence.

This slice comes from our favorite Filipino bake shop, Red Ribbon.

We finally saw the movie version of The Da Vinci Code over the weekend.

I actually liked it more than the book. Considering the mixed reviews and how viewers snickered when it was screened at Cannes, the movie was suprisingly better than I expected.

Then again, the novel was written so badly it could only get better treatment from a competent director like Ron Howard. Unlike Peter Jackson who stretched King Kong to two and a half hours for no good reason, Howard held my attention by providing a tight narrative while at the same time staying true to the book's main plot points.

I'm not too happy at how Langdon was portrayed as largely skeptical of Mary Magdelene's role in Jesus Christ's life (he was her champion in the book, as I recall), but I guess that was part of the compromise the studio made so as not to offend the sensibilities of the Catholic Church too much (for all the good that did).

Tom Hanks was okay as Robert Langdon, though he's not the best fit for the part. Audrey Tautou gave a sensitive portrayal of Sophie Neveu, Paul Bettany was perfect as Silas and of course Ian McKellen stole every scene he was in as Sir Leigh Teabing.

The Da Vinci Code grossed more than $645 million to date worldwide, surpassing the theatrical receipts of that other Jesus movie, The Passion of the Christ. I wouldn't be surprised if there's another Robert Langdon movie in the works.

Here's another detail shot of the Looff carousel. I like this particular horse because the colors are unusual. He almost looks like a mythical dragon, and the flash from my camera makes it look like smoke is coming out of his mouth.

Taken at Shoreline Village, Long Beach, California.

This is a detail shot of a 1906 vintage carousel, one of only 17 machines created by Charles I.D. Looff for amusement parks all over the country. Only 10 of these carousels are still in existence today.

The carousel has 62 handcarved animal rides and wooden chariots. No nails were used in the construction of the animal rides; they were also completely made out of wood and inlaid with Austrian crystals.

Taken at Shoreline Village, Long Beach, California.